Disconnect To Connect

My fingers ghost over the flashing lights below them. The scroll consumes all of my focus before I even realize it. I can’t recall exactly how I decided to open TikTok, or whether my fingers made the familiar motions of their own accord, but the rest of the world fades away regardless, as a beautiful stranger tells me about the new lipgloss I need! 

Our phones are constant distractions and digital pacifiers. Whether we admit it or not, they pull us away from the outside world—the people we interact with, the moments we should cherish, and our opportunities to truly be present.

After classes, most Lawrentians go to sports, dinner, and hang out with friends. However, a new addition to students’ days has been the campus-wide phone rule that knocked people out of their comfort zone. It has forced people to interact with their peers, stay off social media, and truly connect with what is happening around them. But the allure of social media makes people more enticed to use social media, causing stress and when you keep scrolling it can cause a fear of missing out (FOMO). FOMO can cause a lot of emotions for some people, especially if it’s someone they consider their friend. If you aren’t busy thinking about everything going on online, there is a better chance of having a more positive attitude and a more welcoming personality. 

A million ads telling you new things to need flood our social media. The latest makeup or the newest clothes that everyone seems to have can spark embarrassment or jealousy over not (yet) owning a specific item, and hence being excluded from the fun surrounding it. Of course, each trend is replaced every week, starting the cycle all over again: you are alone with your jealousy and wants. Lawrenceville’s new phone policy forces people to be involved in everyday life. With the reduction of screen time around campus, our culture of comparison has reduced as well; Lawrentians are not checking to see what has become popular as often. This is good, but you, dear reader, can help be better.

 In a world where engaging with others isn’t the norm, we need rules to incentivize us, such as the current School ban on phone usage in the dining rooms, School meetings, and on the paths. When you put your phone away, you open up the opportunity to connect more deeply with the people around you. You’re more likely to engage in meaningful conversations and pick up on social cues... The ‘social’ in social media is a misnomer—we never feel more alone than when we shut out the real world in favor of a screen. Face-to-face interactions are always more genuine and allow for a natural pace of conversation because they are natural. Motivated by the new policy, Lawrentians can feel heard, seen, and valued in a way impossible when everyone is focused on their phones. When flickering lights don't blind our eyes and our ears aren’t deafened by the latest TikTok sound, our senses are free to soak up the real world.

We know the allure of using our screens isn’t easy to resist, partly due to the way we are wired. Social media apps often elicit bursts of the neurochemical Dopamine. This presence of this so-called ‘happy chemical’ accompanies “good behavior” and tells our brain to encourage continued use. According to the New York Times, teenagers who engage in frequent social media use experience increasing changes in their brain activity. As teenagers, we are still undergoing crucial changes to our brains and a limit on phone usage might just be necessary for our safe development.

Walking around campus this fall, I noticed that more people have their heads up than last year and those are engaged in simple yet meaningful conversations with peers. On a campus of over 800 students, small conversations can be the highlight of some student’s or faculty’s day. The real travesty of phone addiction is missing out on these small joyful moments. We should feel disappointed about walking past someone and forgetting to say hi because we’re on our phones, or missing out on a funny story because we have our AirPods in at Tsai. Putting down our phones gives us the unique gift of being the highlight of someone’s day. Just this year, I have learned the smallest things about people—their favorite color, the books they read, stories from their hometown—and I feel a much deeper connection with my fellow students. Whether it’s by talking about a common interest or just meeting up in the dining hall to talk, the student body has been unified by the power of caring about one another….The new phone policies are working.