On Belonging

During my II Form year, I always thought of the House system as one of the numerous PR stunts that Lawrenceville employs to attract applicants—one of those ideas that looks good on paper but offers few recognizable, day-to-day benefits to the community. However, this year, I was proven wrong. The House System provides us opportunities to take risks that transform acquaintances into close friends. 

I formed a tentative friendship a few weeks into my II Form year. From our shared love of boba to appreciation of authentic Chinese foods (which does not include orange chicken), we managed to become close despite our difference in interests, upbringing, and forms. We were close enough that we would stop in the halls for conversation, order from Kung Fu Tea together every few weeks, and this year, when we found ourselves in the same Crescent house, we would sit together during House meetings. But this year, when my head of house Ms. Lantz announced that Stephens was holding an in-House sleepover, where boarders invite day students, I was hesitant on whether I should invite her. After all, a friendship that stemmed from sharing boba orders to reduce the delivery fee seemed superficial. I wasn’t sure if I was overthinking, but I eventually decided to take the risk of connecting, and she said yes. 

We had an insane amount of fun that Saturday night. We stayed up until three in the morning. What began as rewatching every episode of The Summer I Turned Pretty turned into a confession of our deepest secrets, discussions on the fleeting nature of life, and dreams of who we want to be in 10 years. My simple act of reaching out miraculously allowed us to be vulnerable with each other. That was the moment I realized one of the most beautiful essences of Lawrenceville’s residential system: when we students are herded into this social bubble of a House, we are placed into a soil with various arrays of possibilities. Here, we pick and choose risks that we are willing to take and the growths we are willing to make. This environment serves as an enabler of our change. It made me realize that friendship and community are not elements of nature that simply exist, they are founded and molded by its members. Interactions that sprout within the House will grow extend beyond the House: from cheering on fellow Stephenites at games to supporting their performances; from attending a Housemate’s club meeting to founding a new club together; from ordering Doordash together to sitting at the same table in Tsai and enjoying a night-out at Acadia. 

A sense of belonging is strengthened by the bonds we form with the people around us. With the House system being a pre-existing community, we students have an easier time taking the risks that connect us with others. While Lawrenceville helps us find our people through the House system, we ultimately still need to make an active effort to get to know them in order to feel we belong to a community. And ultimately, it’s like a large coat on a cold day. While it is up to you to decide whether you would like to grab the coat—and yes, the zipper is hard to pull up—you will always feel warmer when you put it on. In a community like the House system, you will almost always feel a sense of warmth and belonging when you take the risk and engage with others. 

Reaching out is difficult. Much of the time, we expect immediate responses or reactions from others, though we won’t receive any. However, this tendency is not a valid reason to refrain from showing love to someone important, whether that be a friend or a family member. I urge you, whoever you  are—a student, a classmate, a Housemate—to continue showing your love: give your friends a stem of roses after a show, buy them a box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day, text them how much you appreciate them, and call them when you miss them. Even at somewhere as large as Lawrenceville, small actions create ripples that inspire love, joy, and belonging.